I hardly eat meat. I'm more of a fish sort of guy, but I'm moderate on that too. A can of tuna on the pizza, a fried fish on the market on a Saturday, the odd salt herring, so no big deal. I like vegetarian food & cooking, but I'm not really a vegetarian. At least, not just yet. Sometimes, during busy weeks, I tend to neglect myself a bit.

Last week was a busy week, so yesterday I ended up feeling quite hungry. I really felt like eating some meat. Hadn't eaten any meat for at least two weeks, so it wasn't really a problem I thought. So I went over to the nearby village butcher and bought some excellent beef. I complimented the butcher, for the meat looked very fresh and tender. Encouraged by my compliments the butcher invited me to see his butchery behind the store. 'We do all our slaughtering here', he said proudly, and showed me a room that had almost something surgical about it, stainless steel equipment and very, very tidy. Then he opened another door, giving access to a stable. It was dark inside, so at first I couldn't see. 'That', the butcher said, pointing to the back of the stable, 'is going to be slaughtered first thing next Monday'. 'That' (…) appeared to be a beautiful white cow with big dark eyes, tightly tied to a post. It just got there, so it was nervous, agitated and frightened. "She won't feel a thing,' the butcher went on, 'first we stun her by shooting a pin through her forehead, and when she collapses I cut her throat arterie, so that her heart drives out all the blood until she's empty. That's why the meat is so tender…' He went on enthousiastically about the pig's stable and the cold shower the pigs get on arrival, to keep them from fighting. But I wanted to hear no more; all I wanted was to get out of there as fast as I could… I was shocked. It was awkward to walk home with my little neatly wrapped packet, and even more to eat it, it really was the best I ever had, seriously. But I knew it came from another cow, just like the one I had just seen, a cow that had been tied to the same post just a week ago, a vibrant, living creature, fully aware of it's situation… And this was only a small village butchery, and the man was a professional proud of his work. I think if I'd ever see what goes on in mass slaughterhouses I'd come out deeply traumatised.

As much as I like meat, I really don't think I want to live with this guilt anymore. I love animals. I'm upset for days when a pet has to be put asleep. I even don't kill flies, I catch them and release them outside. I'm a total softie.

Update: there was quite some shrieking coming from my garden just now, sounded like a cat catching a bird. When I got there to see what was going on, I was just in time to see a falcon on the lawn, it just had caught a blackbird…

'My life is… complex.' – Batman –